A Letter to The Hopeful, and The Lost
By Ramandeep Kaur Sangha, Featured Writer.
As we step into another New Year, we might find ourselves filled with polarising feelings of great motivation and inspiration—or perhaps dread and alienation. Maybe even deafening anhedonia, as if floating inside a vacuum; toasting in the New Year with convincing smiles and faraway thoughts amongst un-detecting family and friends. To either and all of you, I write you a letter and pass a hand of comfort.
Below is a letter to The Hopeful, and further down I write a letter to The Lost. I encourage those feeling the latter to read both.
In these letters I do not promise a cure, a magic answer or a product to buy to ease the aches of life. I simply offer you a match. A match to strike a spark to discover what might fill your heart and light up your soul. Do not throw this match away at these, perhaps overly ambitious words. Instead, I invite you to hold it gently between your thumb and finger as you read, and come to the end, decide what you wish to do with it then. Strike it or throw it away.
To The Hopeful,
A lot of us may have thoughts from time to time, such as…
“I’m not happy.”
“I want to live a meaningful and fulfilling life but something is missing?”
“What am I doing wrong?!”
These thoughts can be highly de-railing and immerse us in self-doubt, leaving us feeling lost, unhappy, empty, unmotivated, and almost like we are living in survival mode; the resulting narratives we spin reinforcing cyclical cynicism.
I want you to pause, breathe, and strip out the noise for a moment. I want you to know this is okay.
Your feelings are ok.
All of us have thought and felt this way at some point in our lives, but it is so important to understand that you are not alone in these feelings.
Such thoughts and feelings often stem from a lack of passion and purpose held in life. Some of us find our passion, our purpose, our calling, early on - and for others, they might not find it for some time.
It doesn’t matter when you find it. Trust the process, trust yourself, and one day you will arrive there.
I am writing this letter to hopefully inspire and guide you into finding that missing piece because I want you to live a genuinely fulfilling life, which fills your heart and lights up your soul.
Fortunately, I found my purpose early on in my life, for which I am so very grateful. I experienced the first spark to my fire when starting my studies in Psychology as a GCSE – it fascinated me and left me hungry to learn more. So, I continued my journey and opted to study psychology further at Sixth Form and University. When I was around 18 or 19 years old, I knew deep in my heart and soul that I wanted to help people - although I did not know exactly in which capacity or profession.
I wanted to help others and make the world a better place. I wanted to give all that I could because it just felt right to me. After graduating with my BSc Psychology degree, I took a gap year to figure out how I wanted to use this degree and go out in the world to help others. I have since undertaken various different roles. However, there was one role that truly opened my eyes: I applied to be a Childline Counsellor, and after a few shifts in this position, I had a revelation. I absolutely loved the work I was doing and the impact I was making. I felt so rewarded and fulfilled. I was helping children feel better and do better, and that was the best thing ever for me. From then, I knew I wanted to be a Therapist. I wanted to positively impact the mental well-being and lives of others; enabling people to be the best version of themselves. I successfully completed an MSc Counselling and Psychotherapy degree and completed my training working with some amazing young people who I will never forget. The experience of becoming a Psychotherapist shaped me massively, personally and professionally.
I shared this with you as an example of what it is like to discover your purpose and passion early on in life and also to understand me and my life a little better. But with that, I want you to know that although you might not have had a similar experience to me, it’s okay. If you have not figured out what fills your heart and lights up your soul, that is completely okay! Why is it okay? Because you have time. Plenty of it.
If it was not for volunteering as a Childline Counsellor, I would not have found my purpose in life. This one choice, this one opportunity, illuminated a door for me – an opening, an invitation, to a career path that fitted so affectionately with my valuing system, interests, and beliefs; affording the ultimate privilege of supporting others in finding their own purpose. This pathway I followed – what has led me to the start of my career now – all stemmed from that one decision to take my GCSE back when just a teenager. A fortunate choice, once upon a time, that enabled me to arrive at a future place I always belonged; to walk into a life that was always to be mine.
I did it just by following that intuition - following what felt “warm”.
I could say that this journey was down to fate – that this “happened for a reason” (which is true, I believe). But the message that is most important here, is that I made a decision and took action to apply for this role (this life). I saw this role advertised and it interested me instantly. I have always been more of a listener than a talker, and am good at observing and understanding others at a deeper level.
I thought:
“This sounds like something I might be good at, let’s give it a go. If I don’t enjoy it, at least I tried something new. This year is about trying new things and having a variety of experiences to figure out what I want to do with my life, after all…”
A few months later, I realised that embarking on this new and different journey was what ultimately changed my life. The act of being brave and committing myself to experiencing the unknown, the exciting, the scary, the worth it.
It might sound dramatic, but it is true! Discovering my true purpose in life was one of the best feelings I have experienced. Taking a leap into the unknown paid off, and I want you to take the leap too. To feel the fear, resistance, doubt, whatever, and to do it anyway. I invite you – no – I challenge you to bet on yourself. To take the risk and see where you land. You are worth the investment and the effort behind it.
I know what you may be thinking…
“That sounds scary. It might not work out for me. I want to take the leap into discovery, but I don’t know how or where to start! I need some guidance…”
I get it, and that is why I am here to offer a comforting hand to guide you with safety and encouragement into your unknown. A hand that has already held all of the similar worry and doubt, and been ok.
You will be ok.
The first place to start is to be curious. Curious about yourself and what you want your life to look like. This requires you to do some soul searching, deep thinking and reflection; visualising your future and what you are happy doing and who you are happy being. It is asking yourself questions like:
What would I be happy doing for the rest of my life?
What could this look like, and more importantly, what would this feel like?
What does my heart and soul long for?
What am I happiest doing?
Why are these things important to me?
You have to have honest and vulnerable conversations with yourself. You have to reach beneath the surface and into the depths of yourself to start the journey of filling your life with purpose and intention. You may not have the answers to these questions and it may take some time, but if you wholeheartedly search for these answers, you will find them.
Next is the most challenging step – taking action. It is searching for new opportunities and adventures, and applying for them. It is better to do this without too much thought or else you will likely overthink and talk yourself out of it. This is called ‘taking the leap of faith’; stepping out from the comfort zone that has become a little too comfortable. It is saying to yourself “Let’s go for it. What do I have to lose?” – and the answer to that is absolutely nothing!
From this comes the first day of embarking on your new adventure. Remember to keep your head held high, have an open mind and an open heart, and be ready to learn about yourself, experience new directions of growth, and potentially discover your ultimate life’s purpose. Exciting!
You might not like it at first, and that is okay. One thing I would say is please stick at it for a while to give it a good go. Some things take time. However, if this new adventure is really not for you, you go and find another one! Try on different things until you find the thing that “fits”. I want you to make a promise to yourself that you will never stop searching for your passion and purpose. Because it is out there somewhere… commit to the adventure and fun of finding it.
It is important to say that you do not have to go on this discovery journey by yourself, which was my experience. Lean on your support system and ask for help and advice. It can be a scary, anxious, and uncertain time, and you do not have to go through this alone. Being supported by your loved ones could be that difference in finding your higher calling or not.
The reality is that sometimes your passion and purpose may change and evolve as you move through different levels, phases, and chapters. Which makes sense as we are constantly changing, growing and evolving ourselves. Therefore, we might have to re-embark on this journey more than once. It’s important in such situations to remember that this does not equal failure or that you are destined to remain unfulfilled and should therefore “settle”. Trial and error are part of the journey – it is the very act of “testing out” that earns us our stripes and acts as the vehicle in reaching the ultimate thing we’re hunting. Life is fundamentally about the journey, not the destination in a lot of ways (most!).
The closing message I wish to give you is a reminder to always be true to yourself. To listen to your heart. To follow your intuition. Feel what your soul pulls you toward, and let it take you there. That is what you are meant for, that is where you are supposed to be - at least for now. As long as it fills your heart and lights up your soul, you are in the right place. You are going in the right direction. What a gift to give yourself.
If this letter has inspired you to take action in discovering your purpose, please let me know and consider sharing this with someone important to you!
I would also love to hear all about your journey and what lights up your soul. Therefore, I invite you to be brave and leave a comment about what your goal is or what it is you are searching for. By writing it down here, you are bringing your thoughts into a physical space; assisting in making them manifest. Write them as the starting act of commitment, and so I can cheer you on! I'd love to be your supporting hand because I know you can do it and I'm so excited to see you take that first step.
It's time to be brave. Trust that you are more than capable.
Sending you love and light,
Raman
To The Lost,
This second letter is for those still feeling the pain of doubt or insecurity.
I see you friend, and I sit with you in solidarity and consolation.
Not everyone knows how to change things in their life, or even begin to discover their passion or purpose. And that’s okay. No one has it all figured out, and it can feel so very BIG.
When you think about it, we are all just going with the flow and figuring things out as we go. I need to say that even though I have found my calling, I still have other things to learn and figure out – my life is not done and finished. So do not be disheartened or upset that you may not be where you thought you would be by now or that you currently cannot see what you might wish to aim for. Perhaps something might be leaving you feeling chained in a state of immobility? Perhaps life has been cruel to you, or maybe there are certain barriers that you practically cannot dismantle at this time?
Again, I see you, friend.
We forget that we have so much more life and time ahead of us than we realise. We give ourselves restraints and deadlines, but why? Yes, having goals is important. But when we think about our dreams and set goals, we always think about the end result, and never about the progress and journey it takes to get there. Believe me when I say that although I am proud of the things I have accomplished so far in my life, it was the journey, the learning, the ups and downs, and the person I was becoming throughout that time that made the whole experience what it was. It wasn't just about achieving a First class degree, it was about what I learnt from the degree, the skills I gained and the person I became that made it worth pursuing – the process of getting there. Again, it’s about the journey and experiencing the chapters of life in their fullness, not just the destination. The good, the bad, the mundane, the extraneous and the extraordinary.
And this is the mentality we should have when we set goals for ourselves. We should ask ourselves what we want to gain from the experience of achieving that goal. For example, yes achieving a Masters in Psychotherapy will allow me to become a Psychotherapist and help others, but I won't be a successful Psychotherapist if I do not learn, acquire new skills, learn more about myself, go to therapy, etc etc. It is about the commitment to taking the experience seriously and ensuring the journey is fulfilling in the sense that you have evolved in some way since having started the course. Committing to continuous personal and professional development. The rolling keeps rolling.
Life is about evolving. It is about the very change we fear. This can mean learning new things or acquiring new skills, but it can also mean healing, unlearning and letting go of thoughts and behaviours which serve no positive purpose in your life.
Not sure how to evolve? Think about something you are not happy with in your life, something you know you definitely need to change (internally or externally). You may think of a few things, but just pick one, one that is a priority and holding you back in some profound way.
Now think about ways in which you can make this change. If you are unsure, research on it, talk to others, educate yourself on this. This is the first step. Seeking direction, advice or help demonstrates considerable inner strength, bravery and determination in wanting to change.
Next, think about how much you want this change. How badly do you really want it? If you were to implement this change, what would happen? What would change about your mindset, your thoughts, your behaviours, your energy? How would this change, change your life? Play around with some Socratic questioning.
And then, put simply, it's about taking that first action in making change. This is the hardest step, as starting anything is difficult at first. It does not matter if that first action is not perfect, that it is not how you’d imagine it to be. That is completely okay! It is not supposed to be perfect. No one started anything being the best at it. What matters at this point is consistency. Continuing to show up for yourself, implementing this change every day the best that you can.
Life can be hard. Our plans sometimes do not go to plan. We choose or are at times forced to take a path we did not intend to.
Life is what you make of it. Life is about what you do with the cards you have been dealt. Trust yourself that you can play them well. Again, dare to bet on yourself. Bet it all.
It’s time.
With love and warmth,
Raman
P.s. the best thing about being lost is that its only a matter of time until you’re found, and meanwhile you get to have a wicked adventure.
By Ramandeep Kaur Sangha, Featured Writer.